Chaos at the Zoo
by Kangaroos 'n' Party Hats
Summary: Vegeta takes Trunks to the zoo and encounters a gazelle with deadly aim. Ooooh, and there's ice cream! One-shot


**Disclaimer**: I do not own DB/Z/GT.*sniff*

* * *

**Chaos at the Zoo**

(A One-shot)

Vegeta couldn't believe himself. Of all the places he could be on a Saturday afternoon, he was here. _Here_. In this godforsaken _place_. How had it happened…?

(Flashback)

"Dad, I wanna go to the zoo!" begged Trunks, his lavender hair bouncing above his eyes as he continuously jumped up and down in a futile attempt to gain eye contact with his father.

"I have training to do after breakfast, son. There's no time for looking at caged animals," growled Vegeta.

"But da-ad!"

At that moment, Bulma sauntered into the kitchen and set the food on the table. "What's going on?"

"Mom, will you take me to the zoo?"

"I'm sorry honey. I have business to take care of. Your mother is a busy, intelligent, and beautiful million-dollar making machine, ya know? Maybe I can take you some other time."

Trunks was smart, however, and he understood that "some other time" only existed in an alternate universe where people held hands, sang, and farted unicorns. If he was going to the zoo, it would be now or never, and unfortunately his parents were grasping for the latter. Disappointedly, the child took his seat and picked at a piece of bacon. "Fine."

Bulma smiled and ruffled his hair affectionately. "Good boy."

The blue-haired mother sat down, took a sip of coffee, and unfolded the morning's newspaper across the table. Vegeta silently piled food onto his plate, ignoring the hurt expression painted across his son's face. After munching on his bacon for a few seconds, Trunks said, "Hey, Dad…"

"What?"

"Will you take me to the zoo now?"

Vegeta raised his knife and repeatedly slashed through his pancakes until all that remained on his porcelain dish was the remains of a potentially good meal. "No! We are not going to the zoo and we never will! We're going to train! Is that clear?"

Bulma, accustomed to her husband's random bursts of rage, coolly flipped a page in her newspaper.

"C'mon! It'll be fun!"

"No!"

"Please?"

"No!"

"You take me to the park sometimes! Why can't we go to the zoo?"

"Because I said 'no', and that's final!"

"But—"

"No!"

"Hey Vegeta, guess what?" chimed Bulma, neatly putting aside the newspaper.

"WHAT!?"

"You're taking Trunks to the zoo today."

(End of flashback)

_Curse that woman_, thought Vegeta. _She's the reason for all my miseries. Since when do first rank warriors bow down at the feet of human trash? It should be the other way around! I have the power to end her life, so I should have the power to make my own decisions—not her! Where has my pride gone? What kind of example am I setting on my son? No wonder he's so soft! Just look at his flimsy arms and look of compassion for these animals! He should want to annihilate them! Blow them into the next dimension! He should—_

"Hi Vegeta!"

No. It couldn't be. That oblivious expression, that juvenile grin, that pathetic friendly wave of the hand…

"Kakarot!? What are you doing here!?"

"Well, Trunks called earlier to say he was coming here, so Goten naturally wanted to come, too."

"Is that so? And where is that runt of yours?"

Goku spun around with a hand over his eyes, scanning the proximity for his son like a captain in search for land. Flashing his signature smile, scratching his head out of habit, and giving a laugh, the saiyan chuckled, "Gee, I guess I lost him. Heh heh!"

Vegeta smirked. "If you were a proper warrior, you would be aware of your surroundings and the movement of every being around you at all times. I'll admit that you may be strong, but your concentration is lacking. Leave it to you to lose your own son."

"Aw, don't worry Vegeta," reassured Goku, interpreting Vegeta's statement as fatherly advice and concern rather than a condescending remark with the intent of drawing immense humiliation. "I'm sure Goten is fine. In fact, he's probably with Trunks by now."

"Don't be a fool! Trunks is right over…" Vegeta turned around to find his son gone. _Ugh, I hate this life._

"Haha, it looks like we're both a little rusty at this parenting stuff, huh?"

"Shut up, Kakarot! We're nothing alike. Now where is that brat?"

"Hey, calm down. He's probably with Goten."

"That's the exact reason why I'm freaking out!" screamed Vegeta. Goku leaned backwards as the shorter man suddenly towered over him. A massive vein (or was that a tumor?) popped from the man's forehead. "My son is with yours all the time! It's absurd! A child graced with royal blood shouldn't be playing with a third-class rat! Honestly, I'm ready to just blow up your entire family! I will send them to their deaths with an almighty Big Bang Bl—"

"—Ooh, an ice cream stand!" exclaimed Goku cheerily.

Vegeta's eye twitched momentarily before he exploded once again, "ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING!?"

Before the question was even uttered, Goku had drifted off to admire the variety of flavors contained in the tiny freezer across the lane. Drool leaked from the jolly saiyan's mouth like rain pouring from the sky, and bright stars shone in his eyes as if he were a toddler in a candy store. "I wonder what I should get! Chocolate? Strawberry? Mmm, they all look so tasty! What kind are you getting, Vegeta?"

"Don't be ridiculous," mumbled Vegeta. "Just buy yours and let's go already."

"If you say so."

A few seconds passed, and an eerie ambience suddenly fell upon the area. Goku's friendly eyes narrowed, producing a stern expression that boasted of steady confidence and cool concentration. He subconsciously clenched and unclenched his hand like a man preparing to strike. Then, as if to further set the mood, the sun fled behind the clouds and ushered a slight darkness into the world. A nervous sweat began to fall from the ice cream vender's brow as he watched the bizarre customer. What was happening?

Alert of the drastic change in his acquaintance, Vegeta instantly searched the zoo for disturbances. Was Trunks okay? Yes, his power was faint but only because it was suppressed. He sensed Goten's energy signal as well, and the boy was evidently bounding around near Trunks as Kakarot had previously assumed. There was no evil aura or any apparent threat. So then what? What had caused Kakarot to fall into such a pensive state of mind?

At last, Vegeta questioned, "Kakarot, what is it?"

"I-I…" stammered Goku.

"Spit it out!"

"I really…"

"You really what?"

Goku pouted. "I really can't decide what kind of ice cream to get!"

Both the ice cream vender and Vegeta fell backwards simultaneously.

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!?" roared Vegeta, bursting to his feet. "YOU HAD ME THINKING THAT THE END OF THE WORLD WAS COMING!"

"Gee, sorry," laughed Goku apologetically. "But really, do you think I should get a scoop of mint ice cream and a scoop of chocolate ice cream if there's already chocolate chips in the mint?"

"I DON'T CARE!"

The vender then kidded, "Hey, maybe if you can't decide between which flavors to buy, you should decide on buying all 28 of them!"

Unfortunately, Goku didn't understand that this was a joke. "Wow, that's a great idea!"

Even more unfortunately, once the vender had scooped out a lump of each flavor of ice cream and had piled it into a massive bucket in great disbelief, Goku realized that he wasn't carrying any money.

"Uh, Vegeta, do you think maybe you could…?"

"Anything to get us out of this miserable place faster," grumbled Vegeta, slapping wads of bills onto the counter. At least it was Bulma's money and not his own. "Gah, this day can't get any worse!"

And that's where Vegeta was horribly wrong.

* * *

"Look at all those giraffes! Aren't they the coolest?" squealed Goten.

"Nah, all they're doing is sleeping. Oh, and F-Y-I, those aren't giraffes. They're lions."

"Wow, you're really good when it comes to animals!" complimented an impressed Goten.

"Well, it's only natural. I am one of the Briefs," Trunks rasped, although in his mind he thought, _Is this kid serious? I suppose he's the son of Goku more than he is the brother of Gohan._

"Trunks, look at that lion over there."

The split image of Goku gestured downheartedly towards the back. A single lion was trailing alongside the bars that confined it with its head drooping as if in defeat. Once the animal gradually traveled the full circle around its meager territory, it collapsed to the ground under a strip of shade and gave a yawn.

"What's wrong? That lion just looks as tired as the rest."

"Don't you think it looks sad?"

"I guess," said Trunks, not understanding his friend's point.

Tears welled in the small boy's eyes. "Trunks, we have to help them!"

"What do you mean?"

"How would you feel if you were trapped in a cage all day?" yelled Goten passionately. "No one should make a creature look so sad! These animals should be free to walk around wherever they want! We should take those lions and fly them into the wild, so they can run and play!"

"That's a stupid idea," scoffed Trunks, causing Goten to frown. Sensing a tantrum about to erupt, the lavender-haired boy developed a mischievous smirk and quickly continued, "We can't just free the lions. That would be unfair to all the other animals. If we're going to help one species, we're going to help them all."

Goten rocketed into the air. "Yeah! Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it!"

Sincerely enjoying havoc and all things related, Trunks whispered excitedly, "Okay, so here's the plan…"

* * *

"For the sake of all things pure…!"

"…to keep love flowing through the world…!"

"…and to ensure an everlasting hope for our posterity! I am…the GREAT SAIYAMAN!" yelled Gohan, striking a pose.

"Great Saiyawoman!" cried Videl. She rested her right hand on Gohan's shoulder for support, flicked her left wrist in a salute, and outstretched her left leg in what she felt was both a menacing and awe-inspiring stance.

"Together, we will defeat you!" the teens announced simultaneously.

_Wow, that was perfect!_ thought Gohan, visualizing an image of how they must look.

"Uhhh, guys?" a policeman interrupted, sweat dropping from his forehead. "The bank robbers are already halfway down the street."

The Great Saiyaman instantly launched forwards, materialized directly above the farther criminal, and pummeled the villain's head into the ground. The Great Saiyawoman, following behind her partner, swept the closer robber off of his feet and dug her heel deeply into the man's gut, incapacitating him. Together, the two teenaged heroes began tying the crooks up with rope, whereupon the police stepped in with the handcuffs.

"Great work, you two! How will this city ever repay you?"

"Never to fear!" replied the Great Saiyaman. "We'll always be here."

"Good, 'cause we have another case for you guys," said the policeman.

The Great Saiyawoman sighed, "Well that sure was quick."

Peppier than his partner when given the opportunity to help, Gohan asked, "What is it, sir? Where shall we head off to?"

"The West City Zoo."

* * *

Bulma was at home working on the prototype of a new capsule when her motherly instincts began slapping her across the face. Something was wrong. Regarding her gut with great skepticism, she nonetheless proceeded to switch the television on to the news channel, for she admitted that it would be nice background noise while she labored away anyway. However, the words "breaking news" flashed across the screen in bold crimson letters and stole Bulma's complete attention. The woman gasped when she realized that the camera was zooming in on the West City Zoo, and she nearly fainted when she saw an angry Vegeta and a laughing Goku flying in and out, apparently carrying people to safety.

_What in Kami's name was happening?_

And Trunks. Where was Trunks? He was nowhere by his father's side!

"VEGETA!!!" Bulma shrieked at the television. "IF YOU DON'T FIND OUR SON RIGHT NOW, YOU'RE A DEAD MAN!!!"

* * *

"Dammit, why do I feel like I'm going to be a dead man?" wondered Vegeta aloud.

Goku descended lightly onto the ground and released the last group of people that needed to be transported. "What was that, Vegeta?"

"Never mind. Was that the last of them?"

Goku closed his eyes and reopened them. "Yup! Everyone is safe. It sure is lucky for them that we were here to save the day, hahaha!"

"Don't be so naïve," said Vegeta. "Do you realize the trouble we're going to be in? We're responsible for those brats, and I know this is their doing! Curse it all!"

Goku patted the man on the back and nodded at the Great Saiyaman and Saiyawoman arriving overhead. "Ah, don't worry about it. We've done our part. I'm gonna take a nap!"

"Unbelievable…"

* * *

"This is horrible!" cried Videl, gazing around the zoo from the air. A few animals, despite having their cages unlatched or just completely blasted open, had apparently not noticed or had decided that they were content relaxing within. However, the majority were prowling about outside. It was only a matter of time before the creatures began battling to the death or gave life to a new hybrid species or went out to buy an ice cream and some munchies…wait, what was that last one?

"It doesn't look too bad," observed Gohan. "It's a good thing the zookeepers thought quickly and closed up the gates before the animals could escape outside. Now at least they're contained in this zoo."

"Oh, don't be such an optimist! This is ridiculous and you know it! Who would think to do such a thing? These animals are all going to be seriously injured or dead by the time we can do anything!"

"Awww, but--"

"—and where the heck did these criminals get off to, anyhow? Didn't anyone see someone messing with the cages? C'mon! Where are the witnesses when you need them?"

Gohan was no longer listening to his friend's rant. Fearfully, he watched as his little brother giddily glided down a path on the back of an elephant. _What in the world did Goten get himself into this time?_

"And you know what I'm going to do when I find those evil morons?" continued Videl, unaware that her listener was no longer listening.

Gohan's heart nearly stopped. _Oh no, and is that Trunks riding on that rhinoceros? You've got to be kidding me! He's supposed to be the one with the brains!_

"I'm going to absolutely kill them! No, no, that's too nice. I'm going to torture them first. I'll scare them out of the country. Then I'll go for their families! Maybe those idiots will understand their wrongdoings if I wrong them! Just watch me, Gohan. I'll hurt everyone dear to those villains. Everyone."

"Uh, Videl…"

"They're not going to get away with this!"

"Videl, you need to see some—"

"Ugh, I'll make those scumbags feel so much pain!!!"

Meekly, Gohan turned his friend's head and pointed out his younger sibling and friend. Videl's jaw dropped.

"Hey, you were kidding, right?" asked Gohan timidly. "You know, about all of that whole 'killing everyone dear to them' part? You know, those two are just kids, and I really value my life, and the world needs me to protect—"

"Shut up and let's go."

Gohan froze and squeaked, "Yes ma'am."

* * *

Faster than you could say who-ate-my-cinnamon-buns, Trunks and Goten were caught in Gohan's grasp. Held by the ends of their shirts, the two scrawny boys squirmed and kicked in a futile attempt to escape.

"Hey, put us down!" commanded Trunks.

"Not until you explain yourselves."

"There's nothing to explain!" retorted Trunks.

At that moment, a stampede of zebras ran past them down the lane. Gohan raised an eyebrow. Trunks sighed miserably. "My mom is sooo gonna kill me."

"But we're doing the right thing," Goten whined. "It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fair!"

"Hey, calm down, squirt. I agree with you two completely and…" Gohan paused and swallowed a lump in his throat as Videl shot him a glare. "…but we'll talk about this later, okay? For now, we need to round up the animals before any damage is done."

"They're good animals though!" countered Goten. "They won't hurt anyone or each other. We talked to them! See?"

A great truth lay hidden in the small boy's words. The animals comingled and for an insane minute, Gohan realized that the creatures were more civil towards each other than human beings. With curiosity, a lemur picked the fur of an orangutan, a tropical bird hopped in a circle around a flamingo, a snow leopard sniffed the back end of a mountain goat, and a variety of snakes lay together in a massive coiling heap.

"This is way bizarre," murmured an entranced Videl. "I feel like I'm watching one of those kiddy movies where all the animals sing songs and dance together."

"It's because we talked to them," explained Trunks, tapping his forehead. "They don't understand human language, but they understand our feelings. If we just channel our ki through them, they can feel how we feel and we can form a spiritual connection."

Videl was rendered speechless.

"Of course," said Gohan. "Now listen up. I know the animals deserve freedom, but this is just one of those situations, okay? The zoo keepers and veterinarians should be waiting in the back. We'll gather the animals for them, and hand 'em over."

"No!" cried Goten.

Gohan squatted down and leaned forward to reach his brother's height. "Aw, c'mon Goten. Why not?"

"I don't want them to be eaten! Besides, they aren't vegetables! They're animals!"

Sometimes the boy made no sense to Gohan. Thankfully, Trunks easily deciphered his friend's thoughts and informed, "I don't think he understands what a veterinarian is."

The next few moments were spent distinguishing vegetarians from veterinarians.

"So vegetarians are the people who don't eat animals?" questioned a perplexed Goten.

"Right, vegetarians are people who don't eat meat," confirmed Gohan.

Goten frowned. "And veterinarians are medicine people?"

Trunks nodded and clarified, "Yeah Goten, veterinarians are basically animal doctors."

"So vegetarians and veterinarians," thought Goten aloud, "are the same!"

Trunks slapped his palm over his face. Videl smiled in amusement as a hopeless expression drifted across Gohan's face.

"Squirt, they're not the same."

"They are too!"

"Trust me kiddo, they aren't."

"Are too!"

"You know," interrupted Trunks, waving a finger in an all-knowing way, "Vegetarians and veterinarians are pretty similar. In their own ways, they both help animals survive."

Gohan sighed, "That's not exactly helping."

Trunks snickered. "I know."

"HEY!" barked the voice of an infuriated man. "HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THAT YOU HAVE A CRISIS ON YOUR HAND?"

Gohan and Videl, still dressed in their Saiyaman outfits, shrunk in fear. Trunks and Goten struggled to hide behind them.

"Trunks! What is the meaning of this?" stormed Vegeta, gesturing at the crowd of released animals.

"Uh, we sorta freed all the animals in the zoo…"

"Why would you do such a foolish thing!?"

"Er, well, Goten and I didn't think it was fair that they were all…not free…and stuff…"

"Are you insane!? Your mother is going to slaughter me, and I swear you're going down with me!"

"Aw, but Da-ad…"

"Ugh, it's shaming to be the father of such a moron! I take you to the zoo, and this is how you repay me? Where is your respect? Your dignity? Your sense of—"

Oh Kami.

No.

It couldn't be.

Trunks, Goten, Gohan, and Videl simultaneously gasped.

A gazelle had tottered quietly over to Vegeta, lifted its hind legs, and kicked the man square in the crotch.

Silence. A stark, cold, unbearable silence. And fear.

Finally, Trunks whimpered, "D-dad?"

"AGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

"Run Goten, run!" screamed Trunks frantically.

"R-right!" squeaked Goten, blasting off into the air after his friend.

Gohan turned to follow the pair of half-saiyans, but Videl swiftly grasped the end of his flowing cape. "We can't abandon the animals! Are you crazy?"

Desperately, Gohan pointed at Vegeta, trying vainly to make the girl understand. A yellow aura enveloped the saiyan man, and his power level was ascending rapidly. If the super heroes didn't escape now, they would become corpses in the gutters.

"Don't be such a coward!" growled Videl, not yet sensing the full danger. "We have a job to do!"

Suddenly, an immense gust of energy burst from the fuming man. Animals were sent flying. Gohan caught Videl's wrist and fought to hold her down like a kite in a hurricane. At last, a calm emerged, and Vegeta shot the two heroes a death glare.

Videl gulped. "Gohan?"

"Yeah?"

"RUN, YOU FREAKING IDIOT!!!"

In a flash, the two disappeared. However, needing to relieve his stress (because it might give him wrinkles, right?) Vegeta charged after their power signals.

Behind, at the zoo, the animals produced a string of sounds that could have been interpreted as laughter.

* * *

Bulma and Chi-Chi were equally pissed. After hearing the news, they had hurtled over to the West City Zoo. The animals were strangely cooperating with the zoo keepers and seemed to willingly enter their temporary cages. Of course, after Vegeta's outburst, it was only natural that they would conclude that confinement was safer than being outside with lunatics like him.

"Hey!" the two women yelled, heading towards the police chief. The man jerked his head up in response. Was that impending death he smelled, or just womanly madness?

"Tell me where the people with the black spiky hair went!" demanded Chi-Chi.

"And the kid with the purple hair," added Bulma.

"Er, well witnesses say that they saw people fitting your description flying out of the zoo. There were also two men with black, spiky hair who were a great deal of help today. They must have saved countless lives."

"Wait, so you mean they aren't here?" asked the two women.

"Nope, I'm afraid not."

Bulma and Chi-Chi exchanged glares.

"VEGETA—"

"GOKU—"

"—YOU ARE SO DEAD!!!"

* * *

Luckily, Goten and the Great Saiyamen duo had been spared from Vegeta's wrath. Trunks, however, was thoroughly beaten, bruised, and bloody.

"Gee Vegeta, that was a little harsh, don't you think?" said Goku.

"It's nothing compared to what those women will do to us."

Goku chuckled.

Trunks, limping behind the group with Goten, muttered, "Let's never mention the zoo again."

"You can say that again," agreed Goten.

"This day couldn't have been any worse."

"Look on the bright side!"

"And what is that, exactly?"

"At least you didn't get kicked in the you-know-where." The two boys laughed.

"Hey!!!" growled Vegeta. "Shut your mouths back there and never open them again!"

Although the demi-saiyans instantly quieted, they couldn't help but grin.


End file.
